Pandas just make people smile and a good panda joke can do exactly the same thing.Whether you’re a person desperately searching for something that makes people giggle, or simply someone who appreciates wholesome panda humor, you’ve landed in the right place. This collection has over 200 of the best panda jokes, panda bear jokes, and bamboo puns the internet has to offer.

Panda Jokes

What do you call a panda who steals things? A klepto-bear-a.
Why do pandas like old movies? Because they’re in black and white!
What do you call a panda who can’t stop talking? A pan-da-monium machine.
Why did the panda sit on the clock? He wanted to be on time.
What do you call a panda in space? A bear-onaut!
What do you call a panda with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why don’t pandas like fast food? Because they can’t catch it.
How does a panda greet a friend? With a bear hug!
What did the panda say when forced out of his habitat? “This is un-bear-able.”
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner? Bamboozled.
Why was the panda always calm at work? He had a real knack for panda-ing to everyone.
What do you call a bear that doesn’t want to grow up? Peter Panda.
Why can’t pandas keep secrets? They always spill the bamboo tea.
What do you get when you cross a panda and a dog? I have no idea, but it would be bear-illiantly cute.
How do pandas pay for groceries? With panda-monium money, of course.
What happened when the panda got stuck in a revolving door? It was panda-monium.
Why did the panda go to the art exhibit? He heard it was a real masterpiece of black and white.
What’s a panda’s favorite type of music? Bamboo-zing tunes!
What do you call a panda who can juggle? Impressively well-coordinated for someone who sleeps 14 hours a day.
How does a panda ask for food? “Pleeaassseee, bamboo-tiful!”
Why do pandas never win at poker? They always eat the chips.
What did the panda say when he found his missing lunch? “I’m bam-boo-lieved!”
Why did the panda break up with his girlfriend? She was always panda-ing to someone else.
What do you call a panda with chickenpox? A polka-dotted bear.
Why did the panda skip the party? He didn’t want to sit around eating bam-boo-shments.

Funny Panda Jokes

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a five-course meal. The waiter asks, “Will that be all?” The panda says, “And bamboo. Always bamboo.”
Why are pandas such bad comedians? They always panda to the audience.
What do you call a lazy panda? Pretty much every panda ever documented.
Why was the panda kicked out of school? Too much panda-monium in class.
What did one panda say to the other while eating bamboo? “I don’t mean to bamboo-ble you, but this is incredible.”
Why don’t pandas like to lend money? Because they always end up bear-y broke.
What do you call a panda who goes to therapy? Self-aware-a.
Why do pandas make terrible detectives? They always jump to panda-clusions.
I told my panda a joke. He said it was un-bear-ably bad. Coming from him, that’s a compliment.
What do you call a panda in pajamas? Ready for bed, which is basically his default setting.
Why did the panda get disqualified from the race? Performance-enhancing bamboo.
My panda friend opened a bakery. It’s called Bamboo Buns. The croissants are just so-so but the naps between batches are legendary.
Why do pandas meditate? To find their inner-panda.
What did the panda say to the photographer? “Bamboo-tiful picture!”
Why don’t pandas like drama? Too much panda-monium for their taste.
What’s a panda’s motto? Eat, sleep, bamboo, repeat.
I asked the panda how his diet was going. He said, “I’m on a strictly bamboo cleanse.” He’s been on it for twelve years.
Why did the panda go to the doctor? He was feeling a bit bear-y under the weather.
What do pandas think about social media? They’re more of a Snap-chat crowd.
Why was the panda late to work every single day? He bear-ly made it out of bed.

Panda Bear Jokes

What’s black and white and as hard as a rock? A panda bear who skipped arm day — never.
What’s the difference between a panda bear and a regular bear? About a thousand miles and a serious bamboo dependency.
Why did the panda bear become a librarian? He already spent all day surrounded by silent things eating quietly.
What do you call a panda bear who works in a hospital? A bear-iatric specialist.
How does a panda bear climb a tree? It bamboozles its way up.
What do you call a panda bear in the rain? A drip-anda.
What do panda bears drink? Bam-booze. (The responsible ones stick to water.)
What do you give a sick panda bear? Panda-dol.
What do you call a panda bear with no ears? Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Why can’t panda bears hide in the jungle? They stick out in black and white.
What’s a panda bear’s favorite cooking utensil? A pan, duh.
What do you call a panda bear who works out? Bear-y athletic for someone who mostly just eats.
Why did the panda bear go to the gym? He heard the weights were made of bamboo.
What do two panda bears say on a first date? “I find you un-bear-ably attractive.”
Why don’t panda bears wear socks? They have bear feet.
What do you call a panda bear’s autobiography? “Black, White, and Bear-ly Awake.”
How do you make a panda bear? Punch a polar bear in the eyes. (Please don’t.)
What’s a panda bear’s favorite subject in school? Hiss-tory — they love ancient China.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A sunburned panda bear.
A panda bear’s favorite exercise? Rolling over. It counts.

Panda Names

These are the punny names pandas truly deserve.

Bamboo Marley
Pandalyn Monroe
Chewbambooca
Pawblo Escobear
Sir Naps-a-Lot
Fluff Daddy
Jean-Clawed Van Panda
Leonardo DiBeario
Bearoness Von Fluff
Andy Panderas
Pandalf the Grey
Bearon Trump-et
Shakesbeare
Snugglemuffin
Amanda (What do you call a male panda? Amanda!)
Bamboo-zle
Peter Panda
Furdinand
Bam-Boo-gie Nights
Clint Bearwood
Roly Poly Pawkins
Cuddle McFluffins
Panda Kardashian
Bear-ack O’Bama
Chow-chow Mao Mao

Bamboo Puns

A bamboo a day keeps the panda doctor away.
I’m feeling totally bamboozled today — and I’m not even a panda.
What do you call bamboo that tells jokes? A real stem comedian.
Why did the bamboo break up with the panda? He was too clingy and she needed space to grow.
Life is short. Eat the bamboo.
What did the bamboo say to the panda? “Stop eating my family!”
I’m on a bamboo diet. I’ve lost twelve pounds and twelve hours of sleep.
Why was the bamboo always so calm? It had a lot of inner stalk.
What do you call a bamboo that’s good at math? A calcu-stalk-or.
Why did the bamboo go to therapy? It had too many shoots and not enough roots.
What’s a panda’s favorite song? “Don’t Stop Be-leafing.”
How do you compliment bamboo? Tell it it’s out-stalk-ing the competition.
What do you call fake bamboo? A sham-boo.
Why don’t bamboo stalks ever get lonely? They always grow in groves.
What did the gardener say to the bamboo? “You really grew on me.”
I asked the bamboo for advice. It said, “Stay grounded and keep reaching up.” Wisest stalk I’ve ever met.
What’s bamboo’s favorite music genre? Heavy mulch.
My panda friend said bamboo is life. I told him that was a bit dramatic. He gave me the most unbothered look I’ve ever seen.

Panda Joke One-Liners

I can’t bear how panda-riffic today is.
Keep calm and panda on.
Feeling a little bamboo-zled — it’s a lifestyle.
I’m panda-stic at relaxing. It’s a gift.
The panda’s answer to everything: bear with me.
This panda has one speed: panda-paced.
I’m not lazy — I’m in full panda mode.
Pandas always have the right to bear arms.
Every panda has its own unique paw-sonality.
I’m black, white, and barely read all over.
Warning: this panda’s mood is bamboo-sted.
I tried being productive today. Then I remembered I’m basically a panda.
Bears with extra steps? No. Pandas with extra naps? Always.
My spirit animal eats twelve hours a day and sleeps the other twelve. We are the same.
Life’s too short to be anything other than panda-ful.

Bamboo Jokes

Why did the bamboo go to school? To get a little more stalk-ing knowledge.
What do you call bamboo that won’t stop growing? An over-stalk-er.
Why did the bamboo win the talent show? It had the best shoots.
What did the bamboo say at the job interview? “I have a very flexible stalk history.”
Why was the bamboo terrible at hide and seek? It always stuck out.
How does bamboo answer the phone? “Stalk to me.”
What do you call a bamboo forest at night? A dark stalk situation.
Why did the bamboo refuse the promotion? It was already at the top of its stalk.
What’s bamboo’s favorite TV show? Stalk-er (it’s complicated).
Why did the panda build a house out of bamboo? Because it was the most stalk-ered material he knew.
What did the panda say when there was no bamboo left? “This is a stalk-ling development.”
Why do pandas prefer bamboo to any other food? Because nothing else hits the same stalk.
What did one bamboo stalk say to the other? “Grow up.”
What do you call a bamboo that sings? A bam-boogie.
Why did the bamboo get an award? For outstanding growth in the stalk community.

Oxford Comma Joke Panda / “Eats, Shoots and Leaves”

The most famous panda joke in the English language, and all the puns it inspired.

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air. “Why?” asks the confused waiter. The panda tosses over a badly punctuated wildlife manual and heads for the door. The waiter turns to the entry: “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.” Punctuation saves lives — and waiters.

The Oxford comma: the difference between a sentence about a panda’s diet and a sentence about a panda with a firearm.

Why did the panda become a grammar teacher? He had strong opinions about the serial comma.
The panda didn’t mean any harm. He was just following a poorly edited field guide.
What do you call a panda who loves punctuation? A comma-nd-er in chief.
Why do pandas hate bad grammar? One misplaced comma turned their entire species into a crime statistic.
“Eats shoots and leaves” — a sentence that launched a thousand grammar debates and one very armed panda.
The waiter should have proofread the wildlife manual. That’s what editorial oversight is for.
What’s the most dangerous punctuation mark? Ask the waiter who skipped the Oxford comma.
Why did the panda get a job as an editor? He was deeply, personally motivated to prevent this from ever happening again.
Some people say the Oxford comma isn’t necessary. Those people have clearly never met that panda.
The panda didn’t want to cause trouble. He just had very specific dietary requirements and a very ambiguous field guide.

How Much Does a Panda Weigh Joke

How much does a panda weigh? Enough to break the ice — so hi, nice to meet you.
How much does a panda weigh? Depends entirely on how much bamboo he’s eaten today. Could be anywhere.
How much does a panda weigh? About 300 pounds of pure, unbothered energy.
Someone asked me how much a panda weighs. I said, “Enough that you should probably let him have the last bamboo shoot.”
How much does a panda weigh? More than your excuses for not going to the gym, but he makes it look adorable.
How much does a panda weigh? Enough to break the ice at any party. Works every time.
I asked a panda how much he weighs. He looked at me, blinked slowly, and went back to eating. So: a lot, and unbothered about it.
How much does a panda weigh? Enough to sit wherever he wants. And he does.
A panda’s weight in bamboo? Roughly 40 pounds a day. That’s not a joke, that’s just dedication.
How much does a panda weigh? Enough to make the scale irrelevant when you’re that cute.

Panda Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock knock. / Who’s there? / Panda. / Panda who? / Panda-monium’s about to start — open the door!
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / Ima. / Ima who? / I’m a panda! (classic)
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / Bam. / Bam who? / Bamboo — what did you think I was going to say?
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / Bear. / Bear who? / Bear with me, this joke gets better.
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / Paw. / Paw who? / Pawsitively the cutest animal you’ve ever seen!
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / China. / China who? / China believe how adorable pandas are?
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / Cub. / Cub who? / Cub over here and let me tell you a panda joke.
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / Fuzz. / Fuzz who? / Fuzz you heard? Pandas are the best animals alive.
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / Black. / Black who? / Black and white and cute all over — guess who.
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / Chew. / Chew who? / Chew shouldn’t have asked — now I have twelve bamboo jokes.

Panda Puns for Kids

What do you call a panda who loves to draw? A doodle-bear.
Why did the panda go to school? To improve his bear-y basic math skills.
What’s a panda’s favorite color? Black and white — he’s very decisive.
Why did the panda bring a pencil to lunch? In case he wanted to draw something.
What do you call a tiny panda? A pan-dita.
What’s a panda’s favorite game? Hide and sneak — he’s not great at hide and seek.
Why did the baby panda cry? Because his mom said no more bamboo until after dinner.
What do you call a panda who loves superheroes? A Bat-panda.
What’s a panda’s favorite fruit? Bam-boo-berries.
Why did the panda sit in the shade? He didn’t want to be a hot mess.
What do you call a panda who loves to sing? A bam-boogie star.
Why did the panda bring an umbrella? Just in case of a bamboo shower.
What’s a panda’s favorite sport? Roly-poly racing.
Why don’t pandas use umbrellas? They already come in black and white — they’re basically their own weather report.
What do you call a panda who tells too many jokes? Pun-da.
Why did the panda go to the library? He heard there were books about bamboo.
What did the mama panda say to the baby panda at bedtime? “It’s time to bear down and sleep.”
What’s a panda’s favorite day of the week? Satur-day (nap day).
Why did the panda bring a map to the zoo? He kept getting bear-y lost.
What do you call a panda who loves cookies? A snack-a-panda.
What do pandas say when they agree on something? “Fur sure!”
Why did the panda paint himself yellow? To go undercover as a bumblebee. It didn’t work.
What do you call a dancing panda? Panda-liney.
Why did the panda get an A in art class? He was a natural at black and white sketching.
What do you call a panda who loves camping? An in-tents bear.

98 Of Truly Panda-stic Panda Puns

Panda Instagram Captions

“Currently in full panda mode. Do not disturb.”
“I like my days how I like my pandas — slow, soft, and full of snacks.”
“Not lazy. Just conserving energy like a pro.”
“Black, white, and fluffy all over.”
“My personality type: snacks and naps. My spirit animal: obvious.”
“You’re un-bear-ably cute and I will not apologize for saying it.”
“Life goals: eat bamboo, nap, repeat.”
“I’m not a morning person. I’m a panda.”
“Stay pawsitive, eat bamboo, take naps.”
“Rolling through the week like a very round bear.”
“Bear-y much living my best life.”
“If in doubt, panda out.”
“I came. I ate. I napped. No regrets.”
“Bamboo? Yes. Drama? No.”
“Fluffy on the outside. Still fluffy on the inside. That’s called consistency.”

FAQs

Q: What are the funniest panda jokes for kids?

A: Some of the best panda jokes for kids are simple and clean, like “What’s a panda’s favorite cooking utensil? A pan, duh!” or “What do you call a bear that doesn’t want to grow up? Peter Panda!” They’re easy to remember and always get a giggle.

Q: What is the famous panda joke about “eats, shoots and leaves”?

A: It’s a classic punctuation joke where a panda walks into a café, orders a sandwich, then fires a gun and leaves. When asked why, he tosses over a wildlife manual that reads: “Panda. Eats, shoots and leaves.” The misplaced comma changes the whole meaning — and makes it the most famous panda joke in the English language.

Q: What are some good bamboo puns?

A: A few favorites: “What do you call fake bamboo? A sham-boo.” and “Why was the bamboo always calm? It had a lot of inner stalk.” Bamboo puns are perfect for plant lovers and panda fans alike.

Q: What is the panda weigh joke?

A: “How much does a panda weigh? Enough to break the ice!” It’s a classic icebreaker — literally. Simple, wholesome, and always lands.

Q: What are some funny panda bear jokes for adults?

A: Funny panda bear jokes that work for adults tend to lean into wordplay and irony — like “Why do pandas make terrible poker players? They always eat the chips.” or the whole Eats, Shoots and Leaves Oxford comma joke, which is a favorite among grammar nerds everywhere.

Q: Are there panda jokes based on panda names?

A: Absolutely. Some of the best include names like Pandalyn Monroe, Chewbambooca, Pawblo Escobear, and Leonardo DiBeario — panda names so good they deserve their own bear-th certificate.

Q: What is panda humor usually about?

A: Panda humor mostly plays on their most iconic traits — their love of bamboo, their lazy nature, their black and white coloring, and their general unbothered attitude toward life. It’s wholesome, gentle, and somehow always relatable.

Conclusion

Over 200 panda jokes, panda bear jokes, bamboo puns, and everything in between, all in one place. Whether you came here for the classic eats, shoots and leaves panda joke, the timeless how much does a panda weigh icebreaker, or just a scroll’s worth of funny panda jokes to share with your kids, we hope this list delivered.

200+ Panda Jokes That Are Wholesome